Going through a divorce can be a difficult time for couples, families and friends. Being supportive to a loved one who is going through a divorce can come in many forms, bringing them some hope and optimism during this distressing time.
Divorces don’t have to be complex, but some may be more difficult and lending your support can make a huge difference to someone you care about. Our guide is here to give you some pointers when it comes to supporting a family member, your ex-partner, your children or a friend. Keep reading to find out more.
Emotional Stages Of Divorce & Separation
There are lots of emotions that can come with a divorce or a separation, and these emotions can be difficult to navigate. There are typically 5 stages of divorce or a separation.
● Denial - This stage of separation can come from your loved one struggling to process what is happening. They won’t necessarily be unable to accept the truth, they may just be in an emotional state of shock, almost grieving the relationship and this is totally normal.
● Anger - A common emotion to feel during a divorce or separation. It doesn’t mean you are angry at their ex-partner, although they might be. But, they may feel angry at themselves or just the situation in general. You may notice irritability and frustration, which is a completely natural reaction to what is happening.
● Bargaining - The bargaining stage of a divorce is the stage where your family member or friend is questioning things, looking for answers and feeling guilty. They may be wondering if they have done enough and are asking a lot of ‘what if’ questions.
● Depression - Depression and a low mood is a common stage of divorce and separation. It can cause feelings of loneliness and sadness, a loss of appetite or difficulty sleeping. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can also settle in, so this is an important stage to provide support in.
● Acceptance - Acceptance can come in phases, and a little at a time. Your loved one may be coming to terms with their divorce and finding clarity. They may start to have more good days than bad, and start moving forward with their life.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience will be different, and they may be going through something completely different to their ex-partner. Their stages of separation may come at different times and affect them in different ways, so it’s important to be mindful.
As a friend or loved one, providing the right support may seem challenging, but there are small gestures you can make to ease their emotions and help them feel more secure.
Looking Out For Loved Ones
There may be a lot of changes to your loved one’s daily routines and it may be challenging as they adapt to a new life. Support can come in many forms, keep reading to find a few things we recommend to show assistance and care.
Friends & Family
When it comes to friends and family, there are a range of things you can do to be a source of strength during this time.
Make Time To Listen
Making time to listen to your friend or your loved one is a great way to show that you are there for them. Providing emotional support and showing that you understand what a difficult time this can be is a great way of showing your loved one that you are listening to them, judgement free. A simple phone call or coffee trip can make all the difference.
This can be a good opportunity for them to get things off their chest and rant. You don’t necessarily need to agree with them, just show that you are listening and being empathetic to their situation. You can act as a trusted and impartial person for them to confide in, reassuring them that they are not alone in this.
Offer A Helping Hand
With a change in daily routines and your loved one trying to adapt to a new life, you may notice them struggling with small tasks and becoming overwhelmed. In this case, you can lend physical support by helping them out with small errands. It could be as simple as picking up their shopping, helping with the kids or simply cooking dinner one evening.
Small physical gestures that can ease their life will go a long way and show a more hands on form of support.
Don’t Force Them To Forget
While you are helping your loved one through this process, it’s important to acknowledge that the change they are going through is an extremely emotional time. They may miss their partner at times, and think about them often.
It’s important, as a provider of support, to allow them to remember rather than forcing them to forget. They will have lots of memories attached to their ex-partner and while a separation is difficult, even on amicable grounds, allowing them to grieve their relationship will help them throughout this process.
Looking After Themselves
Encouraging your loved one to practise self-care and really take care of themselves. Maybe even offer to babysit, if they have children, to give them some space and clear their mind.
Finding time to look after themselves is crucial during this time, so they can stay strong throughout the separation process. If you notice your family member or friend slipping into a depression, struggling to complete daily tasks or drinking more than usual, it could be wise to step in and help them get back to their usual self.
Couples With Children
If your loved one is a parent and going through the process of separation, supporting the children involved is equally as important. A divorce can be confusing and distressing for children, so making sure they are supported is vital.
Supporting Children
There are many ways to directly support the children involved:
● Spend time with the children - Colouring, reading, going out. These are all ways to show the child that separation is not the end of the world, and it’s okay to have fun while it is happening.
● You can lend a hand by picking up the children from school, or taking them out to give your friend or family member some time for themselves, or simply to help out during their busy schedule.
● Reassure them - It can be useful coming from a third party as well as a parent, that the divorce is not the child’s fault. They may already be feeling guilty and confused, so this is a good way of helping them get their confidence back.
● Let the child know you are there for them - They may be struggling to open up to their parents about their feelings, so offering support yourself may help them to express their emotions to you.
There are also less direct ways of helping children:
● If you notice that your loved one is struggling to address the situation with a child, encourage them to open a dialogue and express their feelings. Remind them that there are still positive things in their life and this should be shared with their children.
● Avoid speaking negatively about either parent, as this is not a constructive way to help children process their emotions.
Finding The Right Divorce Lawyers
Finding the right lawyers to guide you through this process is extremely important. You will want to look for someone with good experience who can help you through your separation without hassle. A good solicitor will help you to feel comfortable and at ease throughout your divorce.
DJP Solicitors
Based in Aberdeen, here at DJP Solicitors, we offer a range of experienced and highly qualified family law solicitors and divorce lawyers who are here to help you with your separation. We understand what a troubling time this can be for lots of families and we are here to guide you seamlessly through the process.
For any further enquiries about what we do and the services we can offer you, feel free to get in touch with us today and speak to one of our outstanding team members.
Comments